What Is a Death Doula? Support, Dignity & Care for LGBTQIA2+ Older Adults.
- Carolina Aging Alliance
- 3 days ago
- 3 min read
Author: Holly Lux-Sullivan — Guest Contributor for the Carolina Aging Alliance Blog
Carolina Aging Alliance is proud to feature guest contributors who bring insight, compassion, and expertise to the lives of LGBTQIA2+ older adults across the Carolinas. Today, we’re honored to share the work of a local death doula who supports individuals and families through one of life’s most profound transitions.
One of the first things people ask when they hear my profession is, “What’s a death doula?”
Most people have heard of birth doulas—those who support parents welcoming new life. But we rarely talk about the other side of the journey, even though dying is its own form of labor—emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Like any major transition, it deserves support and compassion.
At Carolina Aging Alliance, we are deeply committed to helping LGBTQIA2+ older adults navigate the full spectrum of aging, including end-of-life choices, dignity, and care. Understanding the role of a death doula is an important part of that mission.
What Death Doulas Actually Do?
Death doulas—also known as end-of-life or transitions doulas—provide practical, emotional, and spiritual support to people facing serious or life-limiting illness. Although the title is relatively new, the work is ancient. Communities have always had people who accompany the dying with gentleness and steadiness.
When someone receives a life-changing diagnosis, shock often comes first. Then:
appointments
medical jargon
difficult choices
emotional overwhelm
conversations with family and loved ones
A death doula helps carry that weight and helps make space for clarity and peace.
Why This Care Is Especially Important for LGBTQIA2+ older adults?
For many LGBTQIA2+ older adults, end-of-life planning can involve unique concerns:
Will my identity be respected in healthcare settings?
Will my partner or chosen family be acknowledged?
How do I protect my wishes legally?
Will I face homophobia or transphobia during care?
A knowledgeable doula is an advocate for dignity.A compassionate doula is a companion on the journey.A culturally competent doula celebrates the wholeness of your identity, family, and history.
This kind of affirmation matters deeply, especially in the Carolinas where support systems can vary widely by region.
How Doulas Support Clients and Their Circles of Care
As a longtime hospice chaplain, I’ve spent nearly two decades with people navigating critical illness. Becoming a death doula allows me to care in more flexible, individualized ways. My work may include:
Frequent visits and emotional presence
Helping clients understand physical changes
Providing spiritual or existential support
Assisting in life review or legacy projects
Guiding conversations with partners, families, or chosen family
Teaching loved ones how to be gently present
Sitting vigil during the final hours or days
Supporting advance care plans and end-of-life documents
Often, I show caregivers how to be tender in small ways—holding hands, brushing hair, applying lotion. These gestures can bring comfort beyond words.
Choosing the Right Doula
Because doulas are not licensed or covered by insurance, finding the right fit matters. Most doulas offer a free consultation so you can understand their personality, training, and approach.
The two most important considerations are:
How you feel with them — comfort, trust, safety
What they bring — experience, training, skillset
This is intimate work. You deserve someone who meets you with respect and love.
A Final Thought
No one should face dying alone. For LGBTQIA2+ elders who have lived through decades of resilience, chosen family, and community-building, a death doula can be a steady, affirming guide through one of life’s most sacred transitions.
The right doula walks with you—never ahead or behind—helping you meet the unknown with courage, clarity, and connection.
About the Author
Holly Lux-Sullivan, founder of Heartwood Death Doula and Bereavement Care, serves central North Carolina from Winston-Salem to Raleigh.📧 heartwood.death.doula@gmail.com
📱 919-576-9243🌐 heartwooddeathdoula.com
Carolina Aging Alliance provides resources, community programs, and advocacy for LGBTQIA2+ adults as they age. If you’d like help connecting with affirming end-of-life support or want to learn more about aging well in the Carolinas, visit us at carolinaaging.org or join our community newsletter.