Estate Planning for LGBTQ+ Adults in North Carolina: Protecting Your Chosen Family

Carolina Aging Alliance is proud to feature guest contributors who bring insight, compassion, and expertise to the lives of LGBTQIA2+ older adults across the Carolinas. Today, we’re honored to share the work of Butch Segal, is the founder of Butch Law, which provides flat-fee, easy-to-understand estate planning in the Piedmont Triad region of North Carolina.

Making Sure the Right People are in Charge

Imagine being in the hospital, unable to speak for yourself. A trusted partner or close friend sits by your side, but the hospital asks an estranged relative to make decisions instead.

“Estate planning” can sound like something just for retirees or wealthy families. But really, it’s for anyone who wants a say in who speaks for them, who receives their property, and how things are handled when they can’t handle them themselves.

For LGBTQ+ people in particular, estate planning can be the difference between chosen family being respected--or ignored entirely.

This article explains the basics of estate planning in plain language. You can learn more about estate planning on the Hard Talks & Soft Landings blog, published courtesy of Butch Law.

Why Estate Planning Matters for LGBTQ+ Adults

For a long time, queer people built families that the law didn’t recognize. Even today, legal recognition doesn’t always match the reality of our lives.

Without proper legal documents:

·      A hospital may turn to biological relatives instead of your partner or chosen family.

·      An estranged parent could be asked to make medical decisions.

·      Someone you trust may not have the legal authority to financially protect you when you are most vulnerable.

Marriage equality fixed some problems, but not all of them. Many LGBTQ+ people remain unmarried, have blended families, or rely on close friends and community rather than traditional family structures.

Estate planning makes sure the people you trust actually have the legal authority to act.

What Estate Planning Actually Does

Estate planning addresses three questions:

·      Who speaks for you if you cannot?

·      Who receives your property after you die?

·      Who manages the legal process when you’re gone?

The documents used to answer those questions are not complicated once you understand what they do.

The goal: make your intentions clear before someone else has to guess them.

If You Cannot Speak for Yourself

Most people think about estate planning in terms of death. But the first problem many families face is incapacity.

That can happen because of:

·      illness

·      injury

·      surgery

·      dementia

·      unexpected medical emergencies

If you cannot communicate with doctors, someone must be legally authorized to make decisions for you.

Without written documents, medical providers may turn to a default list of relatives set by state law. That list may not include the person you actually trust.

That is why healthcare planning documents exist.

Healthcare Power of Attorney for LGBTQ+ Adults

A Healthcare Power of Attorney allows you to name someone to make medical decisions if you cannot.

The person you choose is called your agent.

The word “attorney” here does not mean a lawyer. It simply means someone authorized to act on your behalf.

This document typically becomes active when your doctor determines that you cannot make your own medical decisions.

Your agent may be able to:

·      talk with doctors

·      review medical records

·      consent to or refuse treatment

·      arrange care or transfers between facilities

Choosing the right person is critical. You want someone who understands your wishes and can advocate for you under pressure.

For LGBTQ+ people, this document is especially important because it ensures that the person you trust has the legal authority to speak for you.

Advance Directive for a Natural Death (Living Will)

North Carolina uses a document called an Advance Directive for a Natural Death, often called a “living will.”

This document explains your wishes about life-prolonging medical treatment in certain serious medical situations.

For example, it may address situations where:

·      you are permanently unconscious

·      you have a terminal condition

·      life-prolonging treatment would only delay death

The living will works together with your Healthcare Power of Attorney. The living will provides instructions, and your healthcare agent helps ensure those instructions are followed.

Think of it as guidance for the person speaking on your behalf.

Make Sure the Right People Can Find Your Documents

Having documents is important. Making sure people can find them is just as important.

At minimum, copies should go to:

·      your healthcare agent

·      your primary care physician

·      healthcare providers involved in your care

North Carolina also offers a helpful tool through the Secretary of State’s Advance Health Care Directive Registry.

You can file your healthcare documents with the registry. When you do, you receive a wallet card with a registry number. Healthcare providers can use that number to retrieve your documents if needed.

This system helps ensure that your instructions are available even in emergencies.

 

What Happens After Death

Estate planning for LGBTQ+ adults also determines what happens after you die.

A good plan answers questions like:

·      Who is responsible for handling your estate?

·      Who receives your property?

·      Who decides what happens to your body?

Without clear instructions, these decisions may fall to relatives who may not understand or respect your wishes.

Probate vs. Non-Probate Assets

One of the most common misunderstandings about estate planning is the belief that a will controls everything.

It doesn’t.

Assets fall into two general categories.

“Probate” assets are property owned solely in your name with no automatic transfer mechanism. These assets pass through a court process called probate.

Non-probate assets pass directly to someone else without going through the will.

Examples include:

·      life insurance with a named beneficiary

·      retirement accounts with beneficiaries

·      bank accounts marked “payable on death”

·      jointly owned property with survivorship rights

Because of this system, estate planning often involves coordinating several documents, not just writing a will.

Who Decides What Happens to Your Body

Another issue many people overlook is final disposition of remains.

In plain terms, that means:

·      burial or cremation

·      gifts of the body (life-saving organ donation)

·      funeral arrangements

·      handling of ashes

Without written instructions, state law determines who has the authority to make these decisions.

For LGBTQ+ people with complicated family relationships, this can lead to disputes.

Clear written instructions prevent confusion and make sure your wishes are followed.

Do You Need a Will or a Trust?

People often hear about trusts and assume everyone needs one.

A will is the most common starting point.

A will allows you to:

·      name beneficiaries

·      choose an executor to manage the estate

·      give instructions for distributing property

A trust is a separate legal structure that can hold property and manage it over time. Trusts can be useful in certain situations, such as:

·      complex estates

·      privacy concerns

·      managing property for minors

·      planning for disability or long-term care

For many people, a well-drafted will is the first step, with trusts used only when they serve a clear purpose.

Strip away the paperwork and legal language, and estate planning comes down to a few practical concerns.

If something happens to you, who is allowed to step in and help? If you die, who receives the things you worked for? And perhaps most importantly, will the people you trust have the legal authority to carry out your wishes?

When we answer those questions well, the people we care about are not left arguing, guessing, or navigating the court system in the middle of a crisis.

Butch Segal is the founder of Butch Law, which provides flat-fee, easy-to-understand estate planning in the Piedmont Triad region of North Carolina. The firm works with families, individuals, and small business owners, and even offers house calls.

To schedule a free consultation: Text GUILFORD GREEN to (256) 479-6990

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. Reading this article does not create an attorney-client relationship. Laws change, and every situation is different. For advice about your specific circumstances, consult a qualified North Carolina attorney.